Do I have to answer that?
A very good friend of mine shared a video on Facebook Saturday afternoon. It was about women in Hollywood who have decided to either not have children or to wait until the time was right. My friend – worried about sounding selfish (which she was not selfish) – wants to wait until she has experienced and seen all that she wants to, then can devote all of her time and being into possible child-rearing. Her post and video combo is one that a few friends have echoed over the years.
I am a 38 year old man; I won’t normally face the same kind of scrutiny as a 33 year old woman, when it comes to having kids. However, I do have a similar train of thought as my friend:
If I have kids, it will be when the time is right.
Right now is definitely not that time. 20 years from now won’t be the right time, either.
I have plenty of reasons.
I do not want to bring a child or children into a poverty level that, while improving, is still in the “you get Earned Income Credit notifications, months before tax season starts” category. Thanks, 2012, 2015, and 8 months of 2016.
I would like to have my own place again.
I want to have many more experiences. Travel; trips where I am out of town for more than a couple of days and money is not a hindrance; going on dates/group outings (if/when I get back into ‘The Dating Game’) where I don’t need to ask for a ride home afterwards; and intimacy, in whatever form, that doesn’t have a pre-req list of Money, Degree, Job, Own Place, Olympic Gold Medals, and Other Strings.
It’s against the societal “norms” for a guy, closer to 40 than 30, to not really have an interest in having kids. It is even more unusual to not have an interest in kids or marriage. I hope the “you don’t have kids yet?” question becomes a rarity for me**, my friend, and any one else that gets pestered by it.
**casts a wary eye at the upcoming High School Reunion
The Nexus 